ESCAPE - Chapter 16

   Before I called the executive presbyter of Wyoming Presbytery I recalled an incident in Cheyenne, Wyoming years ago. I was on a bus going from Baltimore, Maryland to San Francisco, California. We had been riding all day through Iowa and Nebraska. In Nebraska we were caught in the middle of a sudden snow storm. Cars and trucks were stopped along the highway.

   As the bus crawled along on the snow covered road, it stopped a number of times to pick up people stranded in their vehicles, even tractor trailer truck drivers. The aisle of the bus was jammed with people. The bus was able to keep going because it was so heavy, and it had dual wheels on the rear axle with two diesel engines. It moved slowly but deliberately. Snow was beating against the windshield and was being whipped into swirls by the wind all around us. After what seemed to be hours, we approached the next town. The snow slackened off and by the time we reached the town, there was no snow. In the town itself the streets were dry.

   This encounter with snow made the bus fall behind schedule. By the time we reached Cheyenne, Wyoming it was 7:30 p.m. The bus “station” was a giant steak house. There was a long undulating counter with tall chairs. I was hungry, but I didn’t have much money. I looked through the menu. All they had were steak dinners! I chose the most inexpensive meal. (I was wearing my Class A uniform because the Air Force had given me a voucher instead of a ticket. Bus company rules were that they only honored vouchers if you were in uniform.) 

   When the waitress brought my meal there was a steak as big as the plate. She brought another plate with bread, butter, potato, and green beans.  Then she brought my coffee. I protested that this was more than I had ordered. She just winked. Meanwhile, almost everyone who passed my chair was saying , “Welcome, Airman”, or “Thank you for your service.” Or “God bless you.” Or they would squeeze my shoulder in a friendly greeting. This was surprising to me because it was near the end of the Vietnam War and servicemen were generally despised.

   As I was polishing off my meal the waitress brought me an apple pie with a scoop of ice cream. I was enjoying the food, but I was afraid that I didn’t have enough money to pay the bill. Even if I did, I wouldn’t have any money for the remainder of the trip. As I was finishing my meal, a man came out of the kitchen.’

   “Well, GI, how did you like your steak?”

   “It was delicious, sir. I don’t think I have ever had a steak that good.”

   “It ought to be good. It was the best steak I had in my kitchen. I was proud to serve it to you. Nothing is too good for our men in uniform. Don’t you insult me by reaching for your wallet. Your meal was on the house and I have already given your waitress a tip.”

   I thanked him and stood up. As I did, a number of people stood up and clapped and whistled as I walked out the door. I never see the names Cheyenne or Wyoming without choking up remembering that incident. That steak was so filling that I didn’t think I would ever be able to eat again.

   When I calledhim, the presbytery exec in Wyoming was very friendly to me. He asked about me. He wanted to know how I was coping with my grief over the loss of my wife.

   “Frankly, I took this vacation hoping to escape all the other things that have kept me from grieving for Laura.”

   “I appreciate your honesty, Reverend Sterner. Do you think you would be up to preaching in a strange church? We have a vacant church in Laramie. If you would preach there as a pulpit supply on Sunday, December 11, I could come and hear you preach, watch how you relate to the people, and you could look the church over. Afterward, we could have dinner together and talk some more. When your vacation is over and you are ready to do some serious looking, call me and then we won’t be talking as complete strangers.”

   “That sounds all right to me.”

   “Good. I’ll make a reservation for you in the Hampton Inn Hotel in Laramie for Saturday, December 11, and Sunday, December 12. Monday morning you can leave for Montana.”

**********

   Nathaniel settled into a one man campaign of harassing both Blue Team and Red Team. He did all this at night.  He would sneak up from behind the guard on duty, clamp his hand over his mouth, seize the guard’s rifle, sling it on his own shoulder, tie the guard’s hands behind his back, gag him, and then start setting off cherry bombs, or stink bombs, or screaming rockets.     The whole squad would be awakened and about that time the guard would run into camp with his hands tied behind his back and without his weapon.

   He was always looking for their food and fuel caches. If they were guarded, he left them undisturbed. If they were unguarded, he would steal from them.

   The more involved he became, the more it started to become a replay of Afghanistan. He was working during the day with the two Team staffs – scoring, critiquing, and advising. He would get some sleep from supper until the dark of night. As the days went on, he became seriously sleep deprived.

   One night, as he was setting off rockets over one squad’s tactical position, he fell to the ground on his knees and was rocking back and forth, screaming and crying, “Make them stop. Make them stop it.” then “Incoming, take cover.” and “Shoot, man, kill those ragheads. What are you waiting for?”

    At first the soldiers thought it was another tactic. Eventually, the first lieutenant who was out in the field with them, recognized that something was wrong. He took Sergeant Sterner back to the staff position for Red Team. The Captain had seen this reaction to combat when he was in Iraq. He called for the medic.

   “Do you think that we need to take this man to the local hospital?”

   “Let’s take him to his trailer, put him to bed, and I’ll give him a shot of tranquilizer. Have a man go with me to stay with him and call me if he needs help. If we take him to the hospital, the paperwork is liable to ruin his career.”

   The next morning after Nathaniel was awake, the Captain, who was Red Team commander, came to Nathaniel’s trailer. “You are confined to this trailer for the remainder of our time here. The medic will give you tranquilizer pills and you WILL take them. If you don’t, I can’t guarantee that you won’t have another episode as severe or more severe.

   “I want you to relax and sleep the rest of the time you are here. If you do, I won’t write any of this up. When you get back to Texas, I want you to voluntarily go to your commanding officer and tell him that you want out of Special Forces, that you want to be reassigned to some other branch. Tell him about this episode, any other episodes, nightmares, or any other symptoms. If you are straight up with him, he’ll respect it, and you will probably be able to remain on active duty. Whether he does or does not allow you to stay on active duty, you need help. As long as you deny it, the more chance that you will hurt yourself or someone else.”

   “Yes, sir”

   For the next week Nathaniel took his pills, and did a lot of sleeping and dozing. He tried to write a letter to Joy, but the words just wouldn’t come. In the end he just started packing and waited for the day to leave. That day came several days later. He boarded the bus with the other men, went to the airport, and they flew back to Texas.

   Nathaniel didn’t call Joy when he returned to his quarters at Ft. Bliss. The next day he called his commanding officer, Colonel Reisner at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina.

   “Colonel Reisner, this is Sergeant First Class Nathaniel Sterner. I am on detached duty at Ft. Bliss, Texas assigned to the Texas Army National Guard Special Forces units as advisor. I am calling to request reassignment out of Special Forces.”

   Nathaniel briefly recounted what had happened to him at Camp Dawson. “The Red Team commander said that he would not put it in his report if I would voluntarily ask for a transfer out of Special Forces.”

   “Good man! Okay, Sergeant Sterner, I will have my office cut orders transferring you back here. I want our own people to have a look at you, and have some input on the best course of action. Do you have any leave on the books?”

   “Yes, sir, forty-two days.”

   “Good. I will authorize thirty days delay enroute. That way you can celebrate Christmas and New Year’s before reporting here for duty.”

   “Thank you, sir.”

   When Nathaniel hung up, he knew that the next thing that he had to do was to tell Joy. Tuesday and Wednesday were his normal days off, so he requested a two day pass to go to Pecos.

**************

   Tom began right away to prepare for the next bar exam in North Carolina. He went on the Internet and found the address for the forms to apply to take the exam. He filled in the forms as soon as he received them and mailed them back. He looked for his books from law school and began applying himself to refresh his knowledge of the law.

   On the website of the North Carolina Bar Association he found some sample questions from the bar exam. He received a phone call from Matthew.

   “Tom, I found out that the next bar exam is on Friday, December 3. There will be an all day review session at one of the hotels. I’ll register you for it. Come up on the first. We will have a room for you. If you fly up here, I have an extra car that you can use. That way we can have a couple evenings when we can talk and catch up.”

   “Thank you, that is very generous of you.”

   “Like I told you before, I think our joining talents will be as much an advantage to me as it is to you.”

   “Thank you. I’ll look forward to seeing you the evening of December 1.”

   “We’ll wait supper for you, so don’t be too late getting here.”

   On the evening of December 1 Tom arrived in a taxi at the impressive white brick home of Matthew Sterner. He and his wife were warm and cordial to Tom. Matthew helped Tom carry his bags to the guest bedroom.

   “I’ll leave you to get washed for supper. Then come downstairs. Supper is ready and waiting for us.”

   When Tom came downstairs he was shown into a spacious dining room. There was a white linen tablecloth and napkins with the monogram “S”. The dinnerware was china and there were silver utensils, as well as a silver coffee server and creamer. A young Latina maid served the various courses.

   After dinner Matthew and Tom retired to the den while Traci went upstairs to get their boys ready for bed. Matthew said, "The way I envision our cooperation is this: When I have legal matters that require Spanish language translation either Spanish to English or English to Spanish, I’ll send that work to you. Or if I have a contract or deed that involves property in Georgia, I’ll send those to you. We can begin there and we may find other possible areas of mutual interest.

   “I have a 2005 Jeep Sport out in the garage. We use it to go to the Outer Banks or other places where we are going to be driving on dirt or gravel roads. Here are the keys. Use it while you are here.”

   On Thursday Tom spent twelve hours at a review session in the conference room of the Ramada Hotel. There would be an hour of motivational lecture filled with the types of questions past exams had used. Then there would be an hour on the computer taking mock sections of the bar exam. At the end of the day his head felt like mush.

   The North Carolina law exam lasted all day and was in six sections. During the exam several people got up and walked out. In the end Tom felt pretty confident that he had passed.

   That evening after supper, while they were in the den, Matthew handed Tom ten $100 bills. “I know you have had expenses coming up here. This isn’t to reimburse you for those expenses and it is not a gift. I am so confident that you passed and of our future partnership that I am giving you this as an advance on your future billings. You won’t get the results in the mail until the end of December. Use that money for Christmas for your family.”

   When Tom came home, the girls were delighted to see him. Ofelia was cool and a bit suspicious.

   “Where have you been since you left home on Wednesday morning? You left a note on the bed that you had to go out of town for several days to do some legal work. You told your secretary/legal aide to collect money and give receipts and to take any messages that came in. You told her that you would be gone the rest of the week and would return on Saturday.  That is more than you told me.”

   “You were out shopping when I came home to pack my clothes. That is why I left a note on the bed.”

   “Where were you?”

   “I went to Charlotte, North Carolina and stayed at Matthew’s house while I was doing some legal work. The work was just two days work and it paid me $500 plus my travel expenses. I stayed at Matthew’s house so that I wouldn’t have to pay for a motel. With Christmas coming, I wanted to be able to give you enough money to buy some nice presents for the girls and also the fixings for a nice holiday meal. Here is the $500.”

   Ofelia warmed up after that.. “You are giving me all of it?”

   “All of it.”

   “Then how are you going to buy me a present?”

   “I’m hoping there may be another opportunity for extra money before Christmas.”

   Actually Tom knew that there probably wouldn’t be any more extra work before Christmas. That is why he held back $500. Ofelia’s attitude toward Tom became warmer and more affectionate in the following weeks. Tom knew that he would have to continue with gifts of extra money to maintain her warmth and affection. She ought to have Madonna’s song “Material Girl” as her theme song. He couldn’t help but contrast her with his mother, Laura, and with Philip’s wife, Molly. He was sure Ofelia and Matthew’s wife Traci were cut from the same pattern. The difference was that Matthew could afford to indulge his wife’s extravagance. Ofelia’s desire for spending was beyond his ability to sustain it.

ESCAPE - Chapter 15

   On Sunday the troops were being issued gear and equipment. Tomorrow the various platoons would go out either as Red Team or Blue Team warriors. The company commanders and executive officers of the six Texas Army National Guard Special Forces units had been assigned as staff of Red Team or Blue Team roughly by rank and time in grade. The commander of Blue Team was senior of all the unit commanders. He had served a tour in Bosnia and a tour in Iraq. The second and third unit commanders in terms of seniority had not served in any theater of war so they were passed over. The commander fourth in seniority had served a tour in Iraq and one Afghanistan. He was appointed commander of Red Team. 

   Nathaniel watched the first sergeants in the six units when the troops arrived, and when they were setting up. He walked over to two of them pointed to the newly minted staff officers and said quietly, “You are the Blue Team sergeant major and you are the Red Team sergeant major.” The six units varied in strength. He was able to pick three units for Blue Team and three units for Red Team whose combined strengths were nearly equal.

   Nathaniel walked over to the group of officers with two large envelopes. In each one were maps, initial tactical location for the Team, bumper numbers of the vehicles assigned to it, and the location of its fuel and supply dumps.

   “You have one-half hour to study the contents of your envelope, divide responsibilities, and move your men out of this area. Any contact with local civilians is to be respectful but wary. Nothing in the rules says the other Team can’t dress up in civilian clothes and use civilian vehicles. Just pay for what you use! This isn’t Afghanistan.”

   He walked over to the large body of troops and told them,

   “Smoke them if you’ve got them. If you have a cell phone, get rid of it now. Any cell phone taken to the field must be destroyed completely and immediately by anyone who sees it. The enemy can track you by the emissions from your cell phone. Get rid of them now. In less than half an hour those two temporary sergeant majors are going to come over here and start barking orders to the three units assigned to them.”

   He walked away and went to the Humvee assigned to him. It was marked in large block letters “EVALUATOR”. He had it loaded with his field gear plus an assortment of pyrotechnics and other training devices such as trip flares, mock claymore mines, and sound effects such as recordings of incoming rounds, machine gun fire, people talking in a foreign language and laughing. His job was to infiltrate, terrorize them, wake everyone up, and disappear. That was his night time work.

   During the day he was grading the officers on the performance of their men. They were out there in the cold and rain or snow for two weeks. The other Team might find their food and fuel cache and steal it or destroy it. They would still have to stay out in the field and manage, however they could. Nathaniel was the only one who knew the initial tactical positions of both Teams. He was the only one who knew where both of the food and fuel locations were. If he found one unguarded, he might destroy it himself!

**********

   I was able to get on the road by 11 a.m. I drove to El Dorado, Arkansas and from there to Ruston, Louisiana. At Ruston I turned onto I-20 West which goes directly to Pecos, Texas. It is a long distance. I planned to go as far as Tyler, Texas on Tuesday. Then I hoped I could make it to Pecos by Wednesday night. That leg of the journey is over 500 miles. It was 9:30 p.m. when I reached the motel in Tyler. I had a small suitcase packed for that one night. I was so tired that I just took off my clothes, hung them up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and jumped into the bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

   I hadn’t left a wake-up call so I slept until past 8 a.m. There was breakfast at the motel, but I saw they had some breakfasts bagged up for those who were in a hurry. That was me. I went back to my room, grabbed my suitcase, put a tip on the nightstand, and went back down to check out. I took a bag breakfast, carried it and my suitcase to the car, went back in for two cups of robust coffee, and I was on the road. I drove all day, most of the time 70 mph, stopping only for lunch, gasoline, and rest area toilets.

    I arrived in Pecos at 9:30 p.m. I hadn’t stopped for supper so I drove through a McDonald’s and bought a chicken sandwich, a salad, and ice tea. I took it with me to the motel. It was 10 p.m. by the time I checked into the motel, carried two days luggage to my room, carried the McDonald’s meal to my room, washed up and sat down to eat.

   The next morning I slept in. It was 9:15 a.m. when I woke up. I hurriedly showered and dressed so that I could get down to breakfast before it closed at 10 a.m. There were two waffle makers, but the batter was all gone. The hash browns and omelets looked tired and unappealing. There was still plenty of oatmeal in a crock pot. I took some of that, put some milk and brown sugar on it, got a bowl of fruit salad, and put an English muffin in the toaster. Together with robust coffee it was a satisfying breakfast. I put my clothes in drawers or on hangers and set my shoes and slippers by the easy chair. Then I left a tip on the nightstand and went out for the day.

   The first thing on my list was to find a Walmart. I got a few items that I had forgotten to pack. I bought a carton of water and a cheap foam cooler. I went to the electronics department, bought a “throw away” phone and asked the clerk to activate it for me. He objected. I showed him the sign “Free Activation”.

   “But that means for smart phones when you buy a two year contract.”

   “It doesn’t say all that. It just says, ‘Free Activation’. Call your manager.”

   “Oh, all right. He angrily took the phone from me.” He asked for my name and address.

   “Montana? You sure are a long way from home.”

   “I am. Now you know why I want my cell phone activated – so I can call home.”

   After I left Walmart, I called Joy.

   “Mrs. Muldoon? This is Reverend Sterner. I am in Pecos for a couple days and I wondered when it would be convenient for me to meet you. It is getting close to lunch time. Could we meet some place for lunch?”

   “Reverend Sterner, you come here to my house. I’ll fix some lunch and you and I can have a long talk together.”

   Joy gave me directions and I started for her house. When I arrived, Joy came out to meet me.

Joy sat me down while she fixed our lunch. I looked around. The furnishings were plain and inexpensive. Her clothes were clean but plain. The house was very clean. When I went into the bathroom, I noticed how clean it was – surprising when two children lived here.

   Lunch was tomato soup, a chicken salad sandwich, and jello with fruit in it. We had black currant tea.

   “Joy, have you heard from Nathaniel?”

   “He called a couple Fridays ago and said that he probably wouldn’t be able to call or write for the next two and a half weeks or more. That’s the life of a soldier.”

   “Nathaniel sure thinks a lot of you. I’ve never known him to be interested in a woman. He called me up not long after he met you. I’m sorry that my Laura isn’t alive. She would have been so happy. Your name is what Laura wanted for Nathaniel and all of our boys – Joy.”

   “You and your wife had four sons?”

   “Yes, Nathaniel is the youngest. The oldest is Philip. He’s a doctor in Montana. The next is Thomas. He’s a lawyer in Atlanta, Georgia. The third is Matthew. He’s a certified public accountant in Charlotte, North Carolina. Philip has a boy and a girl, Thomas has three girls, and Matthew has two boys.”

   “I was an only child. I have a boy and a girl. Their father was killed in Afghanistan.

   “You said Nathaniel thinks a lot of me. After my husband was killed, I decided that I was just going to concentrate on being a good mother to my children and try to make up for their not having a father. I didn’t go out with men. I turned down dates. Nathaniel and I met when my car broke down on a state road that didn’t seem to have any traffic. Nathaniel came along in his truck. He was so helpful and thoughtful. My kids just took to him from the time we met. He has been so good to me. My kids look forward to his visits. Just little things. He asked Sean to help him wash my car. He fixed a doll bed of Eibhlin’s that was broken. He gets down on the floor and plays with them and watches their dumb DVDs with them. Reverend Sterner, I love him. If he doesn’t ask me to marry him soon, I’m going to get down on my knees and ask him.”

   She giggled and I smiled for the first time in a long time.

   “Joy, when he does ask you, or you ask him, I would be honored and grateful if you would wear this as your engagement ring. It was Laura’s engagement ring. I gave it to her when I was in the Air Force.”

   We both had tears in our eyes when I left. In the car I called Joe Sheetz to see if there had been any calls for me

   "How are you doing Joshua? I’ve been keeping you in my prayers. You had two nibbles on your data form. The executive presbyters of Tres Rios and Wyoming Presbyteries both called and asked me about you. I gave you a strong recommendation. Both of them asked for you to call them.”

   “Thank you, Joe. I guess that I am doing all right. I’ve heard the term “burn out” bandied about. I don’t know if that is what I have. I’m hoping this vacation will set me upright and on the track again. I met the young lady my youngest son is interested in. She is a fine young lady.”

   “Hang in there. I am praying that you get upright and on the track soon. The world needs more ministers like you, not one less.”

   I decided to wait until morning to call the two presbytery execs. Back at the motel I extended my reservation until Monday morning. I would spend a few days relaxing and reading. Maybe Nathaniel would come back this weekend. I called Joy to let her know my plans in case Nathaniel did come back this weekend. The rest of the evening I spent reading The Hobbit.

   The next morning, after breakfast, I called the two presbytery execs. The executive at Tres Rios talked to me for a good while on the phone.

   “Tell me, Reverend Sterner, how well do you speak Spanish?”

   “I don’t speak Spanish at all.”

   “We have a lot of people in this area who only speak Spanish or whose English is very poor. I personally try to dissuade prospective ministers who are not able to communicate in Spanish.”

   “So you require ministers in your presbytery to be fluent in the Spanish language?”

   “The Presbytery doesn’t require it, but I personally try to persuade all the parties concerned of the wisdom of calling a minister who can speak the language of a large segment of the population.”

   “Thank you for your candor.”

   I can scratch Tres Rios off my list.

ESCAPE - Chapter 14

   Out in Montana, Dr. Matthew Sterner,M.D. came into the house after dark that Saturday evening. His clothes were caked with snow.

   Molly said, “Hi honey, the children have already eaten and are watching a DVD upstairs. The snow sure has been blowing out there. Come on into the dining room and get some hot coffee and some hot food into you.”

   “It surely will be welcome. I drove out in the country to a cabin to deliver a baby. After I had driven as far as the Jeep would go in four wheel drive, I still had about a half mile more to mush through that snow in order to reach the cabin. The delivery went well. It was a little boy. He was small, but healthy. He came out fighting and complaining.

   (He smiled remembering the baby.)

   “That woman got pregnant in the dead of winter, worked in the garden all summer, did the canning and preserving in the fall, and then delivered her baby in the first big snow storm of the winter.”

   “She is fortunate to have you as her doctor. I don’t think there are many doctors in America who would have walked through snow for a half mile to deliver a baby. I am proud of you.

   “Have you given any thought to where your Dad could rent a room?”

   “Not until now.”

   “The two possibilities I thought of are the Presbyterian Church manse or Mrs. Crenshaw.”

   “Two excellent ideas. I’ll inquire into the possibility of him renting the manse. You talk to Mrs. Crenshaw and see how she reacts. It has been over a year since her husband died. I would guess that she could use the extra money.”

**********

   Sunday morning the crowd was average in size. In Sunday School Jimmy Fox and Nancy Friborg tried to organize a farewell luncheon or reception for Reverend Sterner the following Sunday, his final Sunday. There was no outward objection by anyone. Neither was there any interest in having such an occasion. Nancy had tears in her eyes and Johnny set his jaw when they sat down.

   My sermon “Soli Deo Gloria” (only to God be the glory) was appropriate I thought. J.S. Bach put the initials S.D.G. at the end of each of his musical works. In fact he carved soli Deo Gloria on the side of his organ. I will sign and carve into the last ten years of my life, the time spent in this church “to God alone be glory”.

   I went home, ate a light lunch, and lay down. I was really discouraged. I had given myself wholeheartedly to the work and yet here again, as in previous pastorates, I had to leave because the people no longer wanted me. Like Paul, I am “ambitious to be well-pleasing to God” (2 Corinthians 5:9). Can I even hold on to the belief that at least God was pleased with my work? I had filled out a data form and sent it in, but do I have it in me to start over again in a new place? I’m sixty years old and I have been a minister for twenty-five years. Am I burned out?

   Nathaniel called that evening.

   “Dad, I am at Camp Dawson near Kingwood, West Virginia. I’ll be here several weeks. I am going to give you Joy’s phone number and address. Even if I’m not able to be there, please go by and see her. I really need to sit down and talk with you sometime soon – a good long talk. I’ll have to go. I love you, Dad.”

   That apparently means that I will not get to see Nathaniel when I go to Texas. I wonder what he wants to talk about. He really sounds distressed.

   Wednesday would be the last time Mrs. Hammaker would come to clean. I told her to make a list of any furniture that she could use. She asked for the dining room table and the two chairs that went with it. (It was just a small table.) She also asked for the bed and mattress and the dresser. I told her that she and her boy could come for those things on Tuesday morning, November 30. After I had her list, I went to the used furniture store. Mr. Buford Zwiggert ran the store.

   “I have some items of furniture. I’d like you to take a look at them and tell me what you will pay me for them. You can pick them up on the morning of Tuesday, November 30.”

   “When do you want me to look at them?”

   “The next couple hours.”

   “What if I’m too busy today to come look at them?”   

   “Then we won’t do business with each other.”

   “Where do you live?”

   I gave him the address.

   When Mr. Zwiggert came I showed him the wardrobe and vanity in the bedroom. He asked about the bed, mattress, and dresser.

   “I’m going to take those,” said Mrs. Hammaker.

   I showed him the refrigerator, washer, dryer, sofa, and television set.

   “I’ll give you five hundred dollars for the lot.”

   “All right, but you have to be here first thing in the morning on Tuesday, November 30. If not I’ll sell them to the first person who comes along. Be sure you have five hundred dollars in cash. I won’t accept a check.”

   The rest of the week went by quickly. In the Sunday service Nancy Friborg and Johnny Fox came forward during Announcements. Nancy was carrying a bouquet of flowers like they sometimes give a performer at the end of a concert.

   “I wanted to say a proper goodbye, but I can’t….” She choked back her tears.

   Johnny Friborg stepped forward.

   “Reverend Sterner, we wanted to give you something to remember us by. You have served us faithfully. You have fed us the Bread of Life. You have stood by our side and prayed us through the storms of life.” He then presented me with a gold watch inscribed, “Pastor, First Presbyterian Church, Prattsville, Arkansas 2000-2010”.

   I thanked the congregation for its generosity, but I know in my heart of hearts that it was Nancy Friborg and Johnny Fox who bought the flowers and the watch and that they were the only ones who paid for them.

   My final sermon was on Paul’s farewell to the elders of the Ephesian Church (Acts 20:17-38) “NONE OF YOU WILL EVER SEE ME AGAIN”. Paul couldn’t be absolutely sure of that and neither could I, but that was certainly what I wanted.

   Presbytery had specified in their dissolution of the pastoral relationship that I was to receive the month of December as vacation since I had not taken vacation this year and that I was to have the use of the manse during December. I had asked for the use of the manse when I thought that I was going to have to be here for the trial. Since the trial had been dropped, I was leaving town on November 30. After the service I asked Mr. Bigelow,

   “Mister Bigelow, would you please bring my check for December to the Church office on Monday.”

   “Why should we pay you for December if you are leaving?”

   “Because the Presbytery specified as part of their agreement to dissolve pastoral relations that I should receive December as paid vacation.”

   “Then let them pay you.”

   “If you want to get another minister, it would not be wise to get on the wrong side of Presbytery.”

   He stormed off. I knew that he would bring the check, but he had to blow off steam first.

Next, I looked for Mr. Homer Witte, the Chairman of the Board of Deacons.

   “Mr. Witte, I intend to leave town Tuesday morning as soon as Mrs. Hammaker and her son pick up some furniture they want and when Mr. Buford Zwiggert gets the rest of the furniture and appliances removed. I would like to have a member of the Deacons go through the house after it is empty, inspect it, and if it is all right to give me a receipt of sorts saying that I left the manse in satisfactory condition.”

   “That’s a good idea, Pastor. That way no one can say otherwise sometime in the future. I’ll ask Harriet Stakes. She doesn’t work outside the home. The rest of us have jobs.”

   On Monday I cleared out what remained in my office and either threw it away, gave it to Diane to keep, or took it out to the car. Mr. Bigelow brought my check and tried to make me feel like he was doing me a big favor. I gave Diane the address of Philip in Montana and also his telephone number. I told her to use her judgment about what mail addressed to me should go to the Presbytery, what should be kept for the Session to handle, and what should be forwarded to me at Philip’s home.

   I went to the bank and cashed the December check. Then I went to the trust officer.

   “I didn’t think of this the other day, but my wife’s engagement ring is in the lock box. I guess it is legally part of her estate, but I would like to have it. I will buy it back if I must, but I paid for it once thirty-five years ago.”

   “Reverend Sterner, I haven’t sent the jewelry to be appraised yet. In fact I haven’t even inventoried the lock box yet. Just give me a few minutes.”

   He went back to the vault. When he returned, he was smiling.

   “Here it is. It is rightfully yours. Just don’t ever tell anyone that it was in the lock box.”

   I left the bank feeling happy.

   At home I went through the pantry and took out everything except what I would need for supper or breakfast. I did the same in the refrigerator. The rest of the food I put into bags or else threw into the trash. The food in unopened cans, boxes or bottles I took to the community food pantry.

I went to the post office and gave them Philip’s address as a forwarding address for me. I called the newspaper and told them to stop delivery. Then I went to the Church office and went on MapQuest to get routing directions to Joy’s address. It looked like Tyler, Texas might be a midway point. I looked up motels in Tyler, Texas and made a reservation for the following night. I made a reservation for two nights in Pecos, Texas.

   The next day things went smoothly. Mrs. Hammaker and her son worked quickly and I gave them a helping hand. I stayed out of the way of Mr. Zwiggert and his helper. They were experienced and worked quickly. Mr. Zwiggert gave me $500 in cash as I had requested. Both parties of movers had gone, but Mrs. Stakes had still not come. I grabbed a broom and swept up some dirt and debris uncovered by the moving. I was sweeping it out of the house when Mrs. Stakes walked up the steps. In fact I almost swept the dirt on her. I saw her at the last minute.

   Mrs. Stakes was dressed in a red suit and was wearing shoes and lipstick the exact same shade as her suit. She was wearing a white silky blouse with ruffles. In her hair was a white flower and on top of her hair was a red and white pillbox hat. She looked like she was dressed to run for president of a civic club or some women’s organization instead of coming to inspect the house. When she came into the house I could smell the perfume she had liberally applied.     When her hands fluttered about, I saw that her nails were the same shade of red. She almost looked like a fire engine.

   “Reverend Sterner, I thought that you might have made some coffee for us.”

   “Mrs. Stakes, there are no dishes or pots and pans in the house, no place to sit down, and I am anxious to be in my car and on the road. If you will please inspect the house and then sign this statement that Diane typed up for me, I would certainly appreciate it.”

   “My, my, you aren’t a bit friendly are you?”

   “No, I’m not what you mean by friendly.”

   She was irritated and stomped around the house. I don’t know why they sent her. She probably would not have seen it, if there were something wrong.

   “Give me that certificate.”

   She angrily signed it and gave it back to me. I handed her the house keys.

   “What am I supposed to do with these?”

   “You could give them to the Chairman of the Board of Deacons when you report to him about the condition of the manse.”

   “Oh. Well, you have a good trip. We could have been friends if you know what I mean,”

   “I’m afraid that I do.”

ESCAPE - Chapter 13

   After lunch I went to the hospital to see Mrs. Alfritz.

   “Mrs. Alfritz, I’m sorry that you are sick and in the hospital. What is the matter?”

   “Pastor, I am so afraid. I went to the doctor yesterday because I was so weak and short of breath and I just didn’t feel well. After the doctor checked me over, he told one of his nurses to take me over to the hospital for some more tests. At the hospital they put me in a wheel chair and took me to several places for tests. Then they took me to the Emergency Room and put me in one of the examination rooms. The doctor gave me a shot that made me woozy. After a long time, my doctor came in to see me. He told me that he was admitting me to the hospital.

   “This morning, he came in and told me that he was almost certain that I had had a heart attack sometime before I came to his office, maybe several days ago. He said that heart attacks in women often go unrecognized because they can have symptoms different than heart attacks in men. Also, people just don’t expect women to have heart attacks. Later this morning, they will give me an echocardiogram. The hospital will send the results to Heart Clinic Arkansas by facsimile. One of the cardiologists there will read it and then advise the hospital here how to proceed. Believe you me, I am scared.”

   “Mrs. Alfritz, I can understand your fears. Let us pray and put it all in the hands of the Lord. He is the one who made your heart in the first place. He is in control of all things. Let’s ask him to bless and guide the technicians and doctors who are analyzing your problem and deciding how to treat it.”

   I read a Psalm, had prayer with Mrs. Alfritz, and ended it with the Lord’s Prayer.

   “How has your husband taken the news?”

   “I haven’t told him the truth about it. I told him it was a bad case of indigestion, but the doctor made me stay overnight.”

   “I think the Lord would want you to tell him the truth.”

   “Would you tell him, Pastor?”

   “No. After you tell him, I’ll be glad to talk to him about it and pray with him also. You have to tell him first. I am going now. I’ll check back on you in a couple days.”

I went back to the office and called Joe Sheetz.

   “Joshua, I received the money. I told you that you didn’t have to be in a hurry about paying it back. I wanted to talk to you about the Minister’s Data Form. First, I want you to get busy and fill it out and send it back to me this week. Second, let Diane type it for you. She’ll do a better job than if you did it. Have a picture taken this week. Third, you need an address. Use the Presbytery’s address. Any inquiries that come, we can forward them to you wherever you are at the time. Fourth, do you know where you would like to move? I could call the Presbytery exec in the presbyteries near there and find out if there are any openings.”

   “Thank you, Joe. This is all closing in on me so fast. In the beginning of December I am going out to west Texas to see one of my sons. He was never married, but now he has a girl friend that he is very serious about. I’d like to meet her. I could take a couple extra days and meet an exec or a committee in West Texas while I am out there. From there I am going to Montana and I will be there at least until the New Year. Thank you for your help and your prayers.”

   I looked at the pages of the form on my desk. Then I had an idea.

   “Diane, please make me three copies of each page of this form. I am going to use them to make a rough draft using a ballpoint pen. Then, when I am satisfied with a page, I will ask you to type the answers on the good form. I plan to work on this and have it finished by this evening. Then I would like for you to put typing that form at the top of your list tomorrow.”

   “Yes, Reverend Sterner, I’ll do a good job for you.”

   The rest of the day and evening I worked on the form until I was satisfied that it was the best that I could do. All the time I was working on it, I knew in my heart that I was just not searching for a new pastorate. I was wanting to escape – but escape from what?  

   On Wednesday, while Diane was typing the form, I went to the photographer and asked if he could make ten 4”x6” photos of me and have them ready in a couple hours. In this age of digital photography and computers he was able to do that for me. In the older technology of film, which still makes better pictures, he would not have been able to do it.

   With Diane’s dedicated work and the photographer’s cooperation I was able to get the data form in the mail to Joe Sheetz that afternoon.

   On the form where it asked my preference of presbyteries I put Tres Rios and Palo Duro in Texas, Pueblo and Plains and Peaks in Colorado, Wyoming in Wyoming, Yellowstone and Glacier in Montana. In my selection I was trying to stay away from cities and presbyteries with big churches.

   That evening I called the Alfritz home but there was no answer. I went to the hospital and asked one of the nurses about Mrs. Alfritz. She opened a chart on her desk, acted like she had something she had to do in it. She wrote on a piece of paper “She was transferred to St. Vincent’s”. I realized that with HIPPA she wasn’t supposed to tell me.

   I went home, fixed supper, then sprawled on the sofa and before I knew it, I was asleep.

   The next day I went to St. Vincent’s in Little Rock. I found out that Mrs. Alfritz was in the heart unit. I found Mr. Alfritz in the cardiac waiting room. He told me that his wife was having an arteriogram. When it was complete, the cardiologist would come out and tell Mr. Alfritz what they had found.

   Mr. Alfritz was very upset. It had made the shock to him worse to think she was in the hospital for indigestion and then suddenly find out that she had had a heart attack and that they were transferring her to a Little Rock hospital for a test that was almost like an operation.

I had prayer with Mr. Alfritz and decided to wait with him until the doctor came out to tell him what they found out.

   At first our conversation was difficult. Mr. and Mrs. Alfritz had never been friendly to me or to Laura. They kept a distance between us. I found out that Mr. Alfritz had been a land surveyor for the Cotton Belt Railroad until that railroad was bought and merged into the Union Pacific Railway. He liked working outdoors. He still did some surveying work from time to time “to keep his hand in”.

   “Preacher, where do you expect that you will go after you leave here?”

   “I don’t know, Mr. Alfritz.”

   “Well, I don’t think it will take them long before they are sorry that they let you go.”

   “I’d rather not talk about that.”

   He wasn’t about to end that line of conversation.

   “No, sir. They’ll get some woman preacher, or maybe some youngster just out of seminary, a smartypants who thinks he knows it all. Maybe they’ll get some preacher who will come here from someplace else with his tail on fire – been in trouble and can’t get out of town quick enough. Let’s face it. We are a small town. Our church isn’t very big. The salary we pay is in the low tier of salaries in this presbytery. We have been lucky to have you. I doubt if we will be that lucky again.”

   Thank the Lord, the doctor came out before Mr. Alfritz could enlarge on that subject. When he came back, he told me what the doctor said.

   “Mabel, has two blockages. They put in two stints. They are going to see how the stints work out. If they don’t work out, then the next step would be bypass surgery. They said that she may be released this evening depending on how she soon she comes out of Recovey.”

“I’ll be leaving you now, Mr. Alfritz. Let’s have a prayer of thanksgiving for the good news you’ve received.”

   I had been with Mr. Alfritz several hours at least. I went to the cafeteria. The hot food lines were closed, but I was able to get a sandwich, an orange juice, and some pudding.

   When I returned to Prattsville, the church office was already closed. I went home, fixed supper and watched the evening news on television. The rest of the evening I began work on the sermon “Soli Deo Gloria” (only to God be the glory). I decided on three points for the sermon 1) What do we mean by “the glory of God”? 2) How is the glory of God manifested to us? 3) The glory of God is the goal of the Christian’s life.

**********

   At Camp Dawson that Friday night Nathaniel was alone in the trailer  This would be his billets for the next several weeks. He was having a real crisis of identity. He no longer knew for sure who he was or who he wanted to be. After ten years in the Army Special Forces, he had become hardened to people. They were either fighting alongside of him or they were the enemy. Three tours of duty “in the sandbox”, Iraq and Afghanistan, had made him suspicious and uncomfortable around civilians. The only people he trusted were the men in his unit. He had heard of too many instances of Iraqis or Afghanis dressed in the uniforms of their army or police turning their weapons on American military personnel. He had developed a “them and us” attitude. Moreover, several years of unconventional warfare had destroyed his confidence in his own moral behavior or the ability of others to act in a just and ethical way.

   Being around his father and being around Joy made him realize that there are people outside his unit whom he could trust. Being with Joy and her children was making him question if he wanted to continue being a soldier. That was another part of his identity crisis.

   Still another part was the nightmares and dreams. He had to keep them secret because they could cause him to be put out of Special Forces and into some “Wounded Warrior” unit going back and forth to medical appointments, counseling sessions, and supervising other, lower ranking, wounded warriors while they policed the company area or set up chairs for a concert. Maybe it would just straighten itself out. If he had to go back over there for another tour, he didn’t think he would ever get straightened out.

   Tomorrow evening the troops would be arriving. They would be worn out. They would leave their armories early in the morning, ride in trucks or in buses to Biggs Army Airfield where they would board a chartered aircraft or maybe a military plane and fly to Morgantown, West Virginia. From there they would ride on buses to Camp Dawson. When they arrived, they would be issued tents, winter sleeping bags, and meals ready to eat for tonight and tomorrow.  

   Nathaniel knew that he would be out there among the troops eating ready to eats, putting up a tent, and sleeping in a sleeping bag. And he would have to do those things when they went out in the field. Over two weeks he would be with them in the winter cold, clambering up stone strewn slopes, perched on rocky ledges, listening for the sounds of another group playing “infiltrators”. Every other time it had been fun to him. He had taken pride in the training he had given. Now he was dreading it.

**********

   That Saturday night Tom’s family were guests at the home of Ofelia’s parents. Tom was looking forward to Rubin Costello asking him what was new at his law office. Instead Ofelia’s parents went on and on about that nice four-bedroom house just a few streets over. What a pity it is that their daughter and her husband couldn’t buy it. Her mother said,

“Dear, I just don’t know how you can live like that with three children crammed into one bedroom. I truly believe that even families living in the housing complexes built by the Castro government have better living accommodations than that.”

   Tom said, “Ofelia and her daughters have a good man, even if I am the only one here who will say so. I don’t cheat on her, I’m not a drunk, I don’t gamble, and I manage our money responsibly. The little house where we live is paid for. It is adequate for our present needs. Our girls are growing. Someday it will be too small. By then I hope to have saved enough money to buy a bigger and better house.

   "My law practice is growing. I have been responsible in my business. A lot of law firms go belly-up the first couple years. My business does not have any debt at all. I started with business no one else wanted. I have handled hundreds of little cases. One thing they have earned for me is a good reputation. These hundreds of little cases have shown the business community that I am a lawyer with integrity. Sometimes I was working for no payment in money.

   “Now it is starting to pay off. I am starting to receive proposals from the business community. My girls are growing, but my business is growing along with them. If I would rush out and buy a house that I can’t afford right now, I would lose the house I now own, I would lose my business, and I would lose my good name.”

   Embarrassed, the others at the table switched to speaking in Spanish.

ESCAPE - Chapter 12

   On Friday, November 12, just before I left the church at noon, the bank called to tell me that my accounts had been unfrozen. I had been carrying more than $1500 in large bills in my coat pocket. I went to Mr. Capon’s office to pay his bill and also to retrieve the audit, and the two envelopes containing cancelled checks and receipts. I paid him his bill which he made an even $500. He gave me the check from Matthew. I deposited it at the bank.

   Miss Doris Hammaker was doing a terrific job for me. I told her to wash and dry several piles of clothes in addition to cleaning the house. She left the house spotless and she had even ironed my shirts that were in the wash.

   I sent a check to the Presbytery for $1000 along with a note of thanks. In it I told Joe that the lawsuit was dropped.

   On Sunday my sermon was “Solus Christus” (only through Christ). The attendance was normal. Again, no one mentioned that I was leaving at the end of the month. After lunch I took a long nap. There was no one in the hospital, so after my nap I joined Bilbo Baggins and crew.

**********

   Matthew and his wife belonged to a large Presbyterian church in Charlotte, North Carolina. He was faithful in attending church with his family, even though his business partners and clients were usually on the golf course on Sunday morning. Today it was raining, so they were probably going through the “Wall Street Journal”. Matthew wanted his boys to be in Sunday School and church. There was a junior church, but he wanted his boys sitting in the pew with Traci and himself and behaving. That hadn’t been easy, but they had been getting with the program lately.

   The minister’s sermon was on John the Baptist’s challenge, "He who has two tunics, let him give to him who has none;…” ( Luke 3:11). Matthew thought of Tom. That inheritance had meant far more to Tom than it did to him. In conversations with him, he gathered that Tom was under a lot of pressure from his wife and her family to buy a larger house. After all, he had three daughters living in a small two bedroom house. Matthew knew he could probably give Tom $60,000 of his own money. Traci didn’t know anything about his bank accounts and investment accounts. As long as the money was there for her shopping and entertaining, she didn’t know or care how much was left.

   Matthew lost track of the minister’s sermon as he thought about Tom. Charity would tear down Tom’s self-respect which was really getting battered as it was. He could send legal work to Tom. If he did satisfactory work, he would send him more. He would send him notes with the work like, “The firms here in Charlotte would charge such and such amount to do this work and would have it completed in a week.”  He would select work that Tom could do without a team of legal aides and secretaries. Yes, it was in his power to help Tom and he was going to start right away.

**********

   That evening, on the spur of the moment, I called Philip.

   “Philip, how are you and Molly and my two grandchildren?”

   “Just fine, Dad. More to the point, how are you?”

   “I’m okay. Still missing your mother. The reason I called is that I wanted to run an idea by you and Molly. I’d like to come out there for a couple weeks and be there for Christmas. That would be too long to stay in your home. Is there a place out there where I could rent a room? I’m leaving the church here at the end of this month. I thought I would go out to Texas and visit Nathaniel a couple days. He has a girl friend now. Has he told you?”

   “Wow Dad. I feel like a landslide of boulders has come down off a mountain – you are leaving the church; you’ll be here for Christmas; Nathaniel has a girl friend.”

When Philip said, “you’ll be here for Christmas” there was an outburst of cheering from the background.

   “Well, Dad, you can tell how we feel about you coming here for Christmas. That will be better than Santa Claus coming. As for renting you a room – we have enough room for you here.”

   “You probably do, but I will feel more comfortable about staying a couple weeks or longer if I have my own place where I can go and be to myself.”

   “I understand. I’ll look around. When I find something, I’ll give you a call. We can talk about those other two boulders when you get here.”

Monday morning I went to the bank and ask for the trust officer.

   “Good morning, Pastor Sterner, my name is Malcolm Donahue. I am the Bank’s trust officer. How can I help you?”

   “I’m afraid the business that I am bringing you will be a nuisance compared to the big estates you are probably accustomed to handling. My wife died last month. Her will is in my lock box here in the bank. According to her will, if I survive her, everything that we owned jointly goes to me. Whatever is in her name only is to be divided equally among our sons. Further, she designated me as the executor, or if I was not able, then this bank was to be her executor. As far as what is in her name only, it is in an account in your bank under her name, Laura Claudette Sterner. I was sued for mishandling the account so I had it audited by Graham Bilton. After the audit was sent to the plaintiffs, they withdrew the lawsuit. I am not able to execute her will because I am leaving town. This is my last month as pastor at First Presbyterian Church. I would not have time to submit the will for probate, advertise three weeks in the newspaper, and wait for bills to come in response to the ads. I wasn’t able to begin earlier because of the lawsuit.”

   “We appreciate your confidence in us. You understand that the bank will charge the estate the percentage established by law, plus any expenses we incur. These items will be deducted from the estate before it is distributed. You mentioned a bank account in your wife’s name. Did she own any real estate, stocks or bonds or jewelry?”

   “She has some savings bonds in the lock box, but they are payable to me upon death. All of her jewelry is in the lock box. She did not own any real estate.”

   “We will have the jewelry appraised by a jeweler. If you or any of her sons want any or all of the pieces, they will be given first opportunity to buy the jewelry at the appraised value. I have some forms for you to sign. I will need you to give me the names and addresses of your sons. Also, after you sign the forms, you may not write any checks against your wife’s account. If you have not written any checks since the audit was made, we will accept that audit and it will save the estate the cost of another audit.”

   After I signed the forms authorizing the Bank to act as the executor of Laura’s estate, I shook hands with Mr. Donahue and left. With only two weeks left, I began to concentrate on packing. I went to the U-Haul store and bought twenty-five boxes. I began by packing my books. When I had about a dozen boxes packed, I carried them out to the car. I had the trunk and all the seats filled. I picked up some pieces of wood to put the boxes on so that moisture from the concrete floor in the storage shed wouldn’t ruin the books.

   I made two trips to the shed that day. By supper time I was hungry and exhausted. I went to Jim’s Hamburger Heaven and ordered a large hamburger with pickles, onions, and mustard, onion rings, and a Lime Diet Coke. When I got back home, I sprawled out on the couch and watched a couple episodes of Doc Martin. I wondered if Philip ever watched the show and if he sometimes wished that he could talk to his patients like Doc Martin does.

   The next morning I took the remaining five boxes to the church and packed up the books that I had in the study. Then I went on the computer to see if I could find any material for next Sunday’s sermon “Soli Deo Gloria” (only to God be the glory). I found out that Johan Sebastian Bach carved “soli Deo Gloria” on his organ and that on every music piece he wrote he signed it with the initials of that phrase “S.D.G.” Also, it occurred to me that the first question of the Westminster Shorter Catechism is “What is the chief end of man?” “The chief end of man is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.” So I had some ideas to start with.

   As I was going out to the car carrying the boxes one at a time, Diane said,

   “You have several messages. I didn’t want to disturb you. The most important one is that Mrs. Alfritz is in the hospital. I’ll put them on your desk along with your mail.”

   I went through the mail. One envelope was from Joe Sheetz. He enclosed a blank minister’s data form. One of the messages was to telephone him before I filled it out.

**********

   On Tuesday morning Nathaniel signed out on pass and drove to Pecos to see Joy. He had a heavy heart because he had bad news to tell her. He reached her home about ten o’clock in the morning. She was anxiously waiting for him.

   “Hey, soldier, I’ll bet you haven’t had a good breakfast yet, judging by that glum look. Not to worry I have some huevos rancheros ready for the frying pan. How does that sound?”

   “That sounds great, but I have some rotten eggs to throw out to you.”

   “You don’t have an appetite? You found a younger girl than me?”

   “I have to go away for several weeks. The units I advise are having their annual training at Camp Dawson, near Kingwood, West Virginia. I will have to go ahead of them and make arrangements. The thing of it is, I think they are going to be put on notice that they will be deployed soon. Probably in January they will be sent to Camp McGregor, New Mexico for predeployment training and from there they will be sent to Fort Bragg, NC from where they will be deployed to Afghanistan. If they go, I’ll have to go, too.”

   “Nathaniel, we have today and tomorrow together. You are a soldier; when orders come down, you have to go. I want you to know this: I will be here waiting. I have already decided that you are the man for me. Until you tell me otherwise, I will wait for you no matter how far or how many times the Army sends you away. I’ll write to you, I’ll pray for you, I’ll wait for you. Now let’s eat some Mexican omelets.”

   “I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had any serious attraction to a woman. I told myself that the kind of job I have just left a wife and children out of the equation. Then suddenly I met you and you turned me upside down. I never understood what people meant when they said that they were in love. I understand it now. I feel so happy, so complete, so much at peace when I am with you. I just love your children and they make me feel like I am important to them, not just tolerated for Mom’s sake, or accepted for politeness’ sake.”

   Joy went to the stove and fixed the huevos rancheros. They both applied themselves to eating until their plates were empty. Joy collected the dishes and took them to the sink to wash. Nathaniel picked up a dish towel and dried the dishes. Afterward they went walking around the neighborhood. One would ask the other a question about himself/herself and the other would answer. Both of them were eager and hungry to know all about the other one.  They walked and talked until it was almost time for the children to come home. They agreed to write to one another until Nathaniel returned. Then Nathaniel said,

   There is something that I have been holding back on telling you. Since my last tour in Afghanistan, I sometimes react strangely to sudden noises or sudden moves behind me. I sometimes have nightmares where I yell out or scream or cry. Then I have to get out of the house or building and walk for hours until I am all right again.”

Joy took his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder.

   “We will work our way through whatever it is. I want to be in it with you, through the good and the bad.”

   “Don’t you get it? I’m damaged goods.”

   “No. You are damned good!”

   Nathaniel hugged her.

**********

   Tom received several sheets of yellow, blue lined, legal size note paper with names, prices, various specifications, deadlines, and penalties. There was a note from Matthew:

   “Tom, use the enclosed data to draw up a contract between the parties whose names I have listed. The law firm we are using would charge us $750 to draw up this contract. You could probably do the job, charge $500 and still make money on it. When you send me the completed contract, I’ll try to make the case that we should send some of our legal work to you. It will make me look good that I have found a way that saves the firm considerable money.”

   Tom drew up the contract, and used the computer to make it look very professional. He made four copies. He sent them back to Matthew with this note:

   “Matthew, I appreciate you thinking of me and wanting to include me by having me do some legal work for your firm. I am enclosing the contract that I created from the information you gave me. I am not sending a bill because I do not have a license to practice law in North Carolina. You will have to either have a North Carolina lawyer approve the contract or let him start all over again. I am going to find out the next date that the North Carolina bar exam will be given. If I pass it, then I will get a license. Then, I will be able to practice law in North Carolina, and I will be happy to do legal work for your firm.     Thank you again.  Tom”