CHANGE OF LIFE -Chapter 4

    The next morning Willard got up, and put on the uniform he had laid out the night before. He gathered up his dress uniform, went to the laundry basket, took out Dolores’ things, and put all the rest of the dirty laundry on one of the sheets from the bed. He put the other sheet from the bed and the pillow cases onto the sheet and made a bundle of the dirty laundry. On the way to work he dropped it all off at Comet Laundry-Drycleaner.  Going to the drive through at McDonalds he ordered two sausage biscuits and a cup of coffee for his breakfast.

He could do this. If Dolores didn’t want to live with him anymore, so be it. He would learn to manage on his own. After roll call, he went to the desk sergeant and filed a missing person report on Dolores. That day, driving around on patrol, he talked incessantly about Dolores’ leaving. Finally, his partner Patrolman Ginger Colvin said,

“Give it a rest, Willard. Give it a rest. She’s gone and talking about it won’t bring her back.”

“First Beverly, now Ginger. Dolores would have understood that I need to talk it out until I get it out of his system. Dolores understood me.”

 He really missed her now.

When he arrived home after his shift, Willard went directly to the kitchen. He took off his shirt, and turned on the water. When it started running hot, he filled the sink half full and added some liquid dish detergent. He found a clean dish rag and dish towel in the drawer next to the sink. After he washed several items and laid them out on the dish rack, he saw that they were soapy. He held each one under the hot water from the spigot. Then he tackled the frying pan. Then he let the water drain out of the sink, dried the dishes, and put them away. That was done.

He went upstairs, looked for clean sheets and pillow cases, and found them in the hall closet. It had been a long time since he had made up a bed – over twenty-five years ago in the Army. He knew how and he could do it. When it was made. It didn’t look as nice as when Dolores made the bed. It would have to do.

He put out all the items of uniform that he would need to wear tomorrow.  Now he could think about supper.

He looked for paper plates but couldn’t find any. He would just have to use plates and other items and wash them like he did tonight. He found bread, lunch meat, and some applesauce. There were cans of beer in the refrigerator. He took one. He made a meal on those items. Now to sit down in the living room and relax!

At ten o’clock he went upstairs. He took a shower before climbing into the bed with clean sheets. Clean sheets were always special the first night. He expected to go to sleep right away.

Instead, he lay awake remembering when he and Dolores had first met. He was in a new school, working four and five nights a week from the time school let out until ten o’clock. He drove a car delivering prescriptions for two drug stores. They were both named Stansbury Pharmacy. The pharmacy leased a car from a taxicab company. They did any maintenance that was required. When the car had 10,000 miles they took it and gave the pharmacy a new car.

His father took his salary from him. What his father didn’t know is that he got tips from most of the people to whom he delivered prescriptions. Will kept these tips. In fact Dr. Levin gave him a drawer behind the pharmacy counter where he could keep them.

He didn’t have many friends at this new school. The girls ignored him. Dolores had attracted his attention with some sharp, acid comments. She had acne on her face, but she kept her long hair brushed to a luxuriant sheen. Her eyes had a look of sadness, but they could sparkle like stars.

He decided to invite her out. That evening went well. In fact, she even took his hand while they were in the movie theatre. After they had dated for a while, when they were walking down the street, she had a way of grasping his arm above the elbow, and resting her head on his shoulder. They were a steady item all through that last year of high school.

Her mother as much as told her to try to get pregnant so that Will would marry her. She told Dolores that she would have to move out and find a job and a place of her own after graduation. That put pressure on their relationship. They would “pet” and go pretty far, but Will had decided that he was going to preserve her virginity. It would be her gift to him or whoever she married on their wedding night.

Willard went into the Army. After basic training, more training, and then experience as a military policeman, he was sent over to Germany for two years. Dolores was faithful in writing to him. She would write several times a week. She bought a Polaroid camera with a timer so that she could take sexy pictures of herself to send one at a time in her letters. When he returned, they were crazy in love, and they married.

Willard had saved money and so had Dolores. Will was hired as a patrolman by Prattsville, a small town in southern Arkansas. He used his savings as down payment on a two bedroom home. Dolores used her savings for furniture. They were happy to be in their own home. They wanted a baby to make their joy complete. 

The first years of their married life they were so in love. He couldn’t wait to see her at the end of his shift. On his days off they took day trips, camping trips, went hiking, anything to be together. Their sex life was happy and wild. Dolores was game for anything. Their sex nearly always ended with both of them laughing or giggling or tickling each other.

Then the joyful day arrived when Dolores announced that she was pregnant. Several months later it ended in a miscarriage. The doctor told them that Dolores had to avoid getting pregnant for six months. They were careful and waited before started trying again. This time it was eight months more before she again became pregnant. That pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage. The doctor advised waiting a half year or more. By now their sex was becoming awkward. The freedom was gone. The excitement and hope was fading. Will started feeling like he was somehow causing injury to her. He didn’t know whose fault the miscarriages were. Marriage wasn’t what he thought that it would be.

Over the next two years there was another miscarriage and then a tubal pregnancy. At that point the doctor advised that they stop trying to have a baby. Willard wondered,

“If we were living in a big city, were still living in Baltimore, would a doctor there be able tell us what is wrong?”

Willard would not say, he would not consciously think, that Dolores was to blame. But that that is how he started to treat her. She accepted his “punishment”, because, subconsciously, she accepted that it was her fault that they couldn’t have children.

More and more he talked mean to her. He stopped taking her places. He criticized nearly everything she did. With that realization he fell into a troubled sleep tossing and turning all night. The next morning the clean sheets were rolled up and twisted.

Willard found a box of instant oatmeal in the kitchen cabinet and put several packets in a bowl. He made a cup instant coffee. Tomorrow and the next day were his days off. He would have time to plan the meals for the coming week, and determine what other housework had to be done.

After roll call he checked with the desk sergeant. There had been no responses to the missing person report. Next he went to his captain.

“Captain, my wife walked out on me a couple days ago. I don’t know why or where she went. Could I have permission to make some inquiries while I am out on patrol today?”

“Sure, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the performance of your duties.”    

Out in the patrol car he said,

“Ginger, I know that you asked me to give it a rest, but I want to ask your help. My wife left the bank carrying a suitcase and $4000. Maybe she was being forced to do it. But suppose she just wanted to get out of town. How could she do it?”

“She could have hired someone to drive her to Pine Bluff or some other nearby city such as El Dorado or Monroe. From there she could have gotten on a bus. Pine Bluff, Pine Bluff. There is a shuttle from the hospital that takes senior citizens to their appointments with specialists in those offices surrounding the regional hospital.”

“Let’s go ask the driver.”

When they got to the hospital, the shuttle had just pulled up. Willard jumped out of the patrol car, and walked up to the shuttle bus. The driver opened the door.

“Sergeant O’Reilly. I saw your wife a couple days ago. She had a suitcase with her and said that she had to see Doctor Pepperdine. How is she doing?”

“I don’t know. Where did she go when she got off the shuttle?”

“She went right into the hospital through the Emergency Room doors.”

“Thank you.”

He knew that she went as far as Pine Bluff. He would ask her doctor if he had referred her to a doctor, and if he had ever heard of a Dr. Pepperdine. Meanwhile, if she went farther, it would probably be by bus. He would check with the credit card to see if it was used to buy a bus ticket, and if so, maybe the bus company could tell him to where. Those were things that he could do from home tomorrow. There was no point in asking around town any more. He knew that she went to Pine Bluff, and he knew how she got there.

 

CHANGE OF LIFE - Chapter 3

I arrived at the station a couple hours before the time of departure. I retrieved my suitcase from the locker and sat on one of the benches. In a little notebook, I wrote down what I had spent so far. Then I made a to-do list for when I arrived in Chicago.

After an hour, a woman of about my age sat down on the same bench.

“Hello, my name is Dolores. I’m going to Chicago. Is that where you’re going?”

“My name is Mildred. Yes, I’m going to Chicago. I came to Memphis to visit my grandchildren. They grow up so quickly. One of them is eight years old now, the other is six. They are both in school. The last time that I saw them, the oldest was just starting school. I wish they would come to see me some time, but I guess that I wouldn’t have room for them in my studio apartment. Why are you going to Chicago?”

“I’ve never been to Chicago. I know it is a big city. I grew up in a big city, Baltimore, but I’ve lived in a small town for the last twenty-five years. I want to start a new life. I want to find out what I am worth as a person. I guess that is a strange statement.”

“Do you have children?”

“No. That is part of the problem. When we couldn’t have children, my husband sort of turned on me. It got worse over the years. All the time that I was growing up my mother criticized or made fun of everything I said or did. I got married partly to get away from that. After five years of marriage my husband started the same pattern my mother followed. At first I didn’t pay much attention to it. I was used to it. Over the years it became intolerable. Yesterday morning, I snapped. I walked away. I know that I have to go far, and be careful, or else my husband will find me. He’s a police detective.”

“Well, I can’t say that I understand. My husband was good to me. I hope it was for more reasons than the fact that I gave him children. He never missed a day in telling me that he loved me. Whenever I did something for him, he would thank me. He always noticed when I did something around the house, or if I changed my hair, or was wearing new shoes. What a wonderful man he was!  He’s been gone five years now. He died suddenly of an aneurysm in his brain. Just dropped dead at work. It hasn’t been easy for me, but I’ve managed somehow.”

“I’m sorry about your loss. He sounds like a model husband. I really would appreciate it, if you could tell me neighborhoods or sections of the city where I could find a room to rent. I don’t have much money. I’ll have to try to find a job. Before I can go job-hunting, I need an address for applications and forms. I also need to find a used clothing store or a church with a clothes closet.”

Mildred gave me some suggestions, which I wrote in my notebook. About then, the first call to board the train was given. Mildred was riding in a coach, so we were separated. I went on down the platform to my sleeper car, and I was helped aboard by the steward. I had to climb narrow metal stairs to the second level of the car. The steward carried my suitcase for me, and showed me to my roomette.

I was glad to see that the bed was already made up. I closed the folding curtain and began to undress. I put my stockings and underwear in the small sink in the roomette to wash them. I’ll hang them up to dry during the night. When I had washed these things, I washed myself as well as I could in a small sink and crowded roomette. Then I crawled into the bed and looked forward to getting a good night’s sleep.

The bed was comfortable and the motion of the train was like being rocked in a cradle. However, I didn’t go to sleep right away. I began to think about how Willard and I met, became boy friend – girl friend, and eventually were married.

Willard came to Ravenwood High School in our senior year. He had to take a few classes with the junior class, but the rest of his classes were with seniors. He was in my English class and my chemistry class. He was disliked by most of the guys and all of the girls. He was so smart. It seemed like he always knew the answers. He had read so many books; he carried on conversations with the English teacher that none of the rest of the class could follow.

He was a hillbilly. He and his family came from West Virginia. People from Baltimore did not like people from West Virginia. Some of the kids looked down on him, because his clothes were shabby. Even I made hateful remarks to him, maybe to stay in good with my friends.

One day, just after English class, he came up to me and said, “Could I speak privately to you for just a few minutes?”  

I was embarrassed.

“I guess so.”

“I have been attracted to you since I started coming to school here. I know you probably don’t think very much of me. I would like to take you to the movies, and then get something to eat afterwards. Maybe after you get to know me better, you’ll find some things about me to like.”

“I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

“Could I have your phone number. I’ll call you tomorrow night a little after 10 PM. I hope that isn’t too late, but I work until 10.”

I gave him my phone number, talked things over with my mother, and when he called, I told him I would go out with him. We continued talking for almost an hour that night. Willard was the first boy to ask me out on a date. In junior high school I was too shy. By the time I was in high school I had acne on my face. Several times I asked my mother to take me to a dermatologist. She always said that she couldn’t afford it, and all I had to do was keep washing my face good with soap and water.

Willard didn’t take me to the local cinema. He took me into downtown Baltimore where they were showing a first run film, The Blues Brothers. We were both nervous, and the film was so funny that we laughed time and again. I was so happy. I took his hand while we were in the theatre. He looked over and smiled.

I thought that he would take me to a hamburger joint, but he took me to Maria’s, a restaurant in Little Italy. He held the chair for me. When Maria saw that, she walked over to the table, hugged me, and whispered, “Honey, he’s a keeper.”

Willard didn’t have a car. We had to go places on the city transit bus. He took me to museums, art galleries, concerts. He acted like I was as smart as he was. He never talked down to me. Every time that we went out, he would find something about my appearance to compliment. He was so different from my mother. She was always criticizing me, making fun of what I said. I couldn’t say anything good about Willard.

“He only wants one thing. When he gets it, it will be ‘Bye-bye Dolores.’”

When my mother told my father that she was pregnant, he left her. She never heard from him again. She had a hard time, but she raised me on her own. The hard life made her bitter. Maybe she resented me because I was the responsibility that kept her nose to the grindstone all her life. When she was no older than I am now, she looked ten years older. After I was gone from the home, I thought that she might be happier, but it seemed like she had lost her purpose in living. She was only sixty years old when she died of a fast moving cancer.

We dated steadily throughout our senior year. I couldn’t afford a class ring, but the day Willard received his class ring, he put it on my finger.

Senior Prom was on the horizon. He couldn’t dance and wanted me to teach him. I told him that I couldn’t go because I didn’t have a gown. He said we would work that out when the time came. One week night each week, depending on his work schedule, Willard came to my house and we practiced dancing in the living room. When he held me in his arms, I felt like I was in heaven.

One night when he came over for dancing, he asked, “Will you be my date for the Senior Prom?”

“You know that I told you I don’t have a gown. I can’t get a gown.”

“I’ve got that worked out. My boss, Dr. Levin, is Jewish. At his synagogue, the young women’s organization has a project each year. They loan gowns to girls for their prom. I’ll take you there this Saturday. The young women will let you pick out a gown. Then they have a seamstress there who will measure you for alterations. They will have you try on shoes until you find a pair that fits you. We’ll go back the following Saturday. The gown will be altered and the shoes dyed to match the gown. We tell them the date of the prom, and they will tell us what date to return the gown and shoes to them. Now. Will you be my date to the Senior Prom?”

“Yes, Will, I will.”

The Senior Prom was a magical moment in my life. Willard had rented a tuxedo. He brought me a beautiful corsage that matched my gown. At the Prom, we had our picture taken together. I still have that picture. Going on dates with Willard had brought about a tremendous change in my appearance. I was happy and smiling more and more. I began to see the good things in me that he was always praising. The acne began to go away. By the night of the Prom, I was one of the most beautiful girls there, if I do say so myself. 

With Prom over, final exams and Graduation were only weeks away. My mother shocked me one night.

“I don’t know if you and your boy friend have been having sex. If not, this would be a good time to start. School will be over with soon. I’m hoping that you will be moving out sometime this summer. I have been supporting you for eighteen years. You haven’t had everything you wanted, but you have had everything you needed. Now it is time to start supporting yourself. You can get a job and an apartment, or you can get married. It is up to you. Start making plans now.”

I told Willard what my mother said.

“Being pressured by your mother is not a good reason to get married, or to bring a baby into the world. As for sex. You were a virgin when I met you, and I’m not going to take that away from you. That is a precious gift to bring to your husband on your wedding night. We have had fun fooling around, and I am satisfied with keeping the boundaries we decided on.

“I’m going to try to get a job this summer. I am already committed to going into the Army in September. I’ll be in the Army for three years. I hope that you will write to me. If I get any leaves, I will be looking for you. If they send me overseas, I will probably be gone for two years. I don’t have the right to ask you to wait for me, although I hope that you will. During this summer, if you can find a job, and an apartment or a room to rent, I will help you get started.”

I found a job and a tiny apartment. Willard came to see me on leave. Then he was sent overseas to Germany for two years. He wrote to me a couple times a week and I wrote to him. I was often invited to a date, or to a party, but I went to work, went to the library, went to museums and art galleries, and waited for Willard. As Maria had said, “He’s a keeper.”

When Will came out of the Army, he came to me with an engagement ring in his pocket. I said, “Yes” and we went to City Hall for our license. We were married in the military chapel at Ft. Meade where Will was sent for discharge processing. After he was discharged, he started looking for a job as a policeman. He had been in the Military Police in the Army. That is how we came to live in a small town in southern Arkansas.

At that point in my reverie, I fell asleep.

 

CHANGE OF LIFE - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Willard came home as soon as his shift was over. He couldn’t wait to get out of his dress uniform. It burned him that those two guys were promoted and that he had been passed over. He went up to the bedroom and got out of his uniform, leaving it on the floor as usual. As he was dressing in casual clothes, he noticed that the bed had not been made.

“What the heck is going on here?”  

“DOLORES!”

There was no answer. He went downstairs and into the kitchen-dining room. His breakfast dishes were still on the table. The frying pan was still on the stove.

“What is that fat sow up to?  Where is she?” 

He went back to the bedroom and stumbled over his dress uniform on the floor. He looked into the closet. Her clothes seemed to be there. Her pocketbook was missing. She always left it on the left side of the dresser unless she was going out. Looking at the dresser he saw her engagement ring. She never took that off except when she was scrubbing or doing something where it might catch.

“What are the possibilities?  Maybe she went shopping in Little Rock with a friend and they hadn’t come home yet. What friend?  I don’t think she has any friends who would take her shopping. Maybe she’s been kidnapped. Who would want to kidnap her?  I know that she’s been going out walking. Other policemen have mentioned seeing her. They asked if she is trying to lose weight. She could have been hit by a car or passed out from overexertion?  I don’t know whether to worry or be angry.”

He called the desk at the police station.

“Jim, this is Willard. When I came home today Dolores wasn’t here. The dishes haven’t been washed, the bed hasn’t been made. That isn’t like her at all. I know it is too soon to file a missing person report, but I just wondered if there have been any accident reports or muggings that had a victim fitting her description.”

“No, this has been a quiet day and evening – no accidents or any other activity. If I hear anything going, I’ll let you know.”

He went out to the kitchen and stared at the dirty dishes and greasy frying pan. He had never washed dishes, and didn’t know where to begin. He shrugged his shoulders and stomped out of the house. He got into his car and drove into town to the Acropolis Café. Demetrius Papadopolous was the proprietor and cook. He had the best food in town - arguably the best food in the state.

“Hey, Willard, good to see you, but why are you coming to my establishment?  Did someone complain about my food?  Maybe it was that college boy that I wouldn’t let smoke in here. That’s the law I was told. Or maybe it was that prostitute who kept nursing one cup of coffee for half an hour. She sat on a stool at the counter with her skirt hiked up showing ten yards of leg. I told her this wasn’t going to be a place she could pick up customers.”

“Nothing like that, Demetrius. I just want one of your delicious gyros, and a cup of coffee. I promise not to smoke a cigarette, or nurse my coffee for half an hour.”

“I would let you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, and nurse your coffee for an hour, old friend. Is Dolores sick?”

“I don’t know. She wasn’t at the house when I got home. She didn’t leave a note saying where she was going, or when she would be back. I don’t know whether to be worried or angry.”

“Gee, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll have a gyro fixed in no time. I promise it will take your mind off all things of this earth. You’ll think it came from the gods’ own dining hall on Mount Olympus!  Meanwhile, here is a fresh cup of coffee.”

It had been seventeen years since he smoked his last cigarette, but he sure wished that he had a pack of them to smoke right now.  The coffee was the best cup he had had in years. The gyro was every bit as good as Demetrius had promised. After he finished, he reluctantly went outside to his car. The last thing on earth that he wanted to do was to go back to the house, and deal with the problem of its emptiness.  Maybe he should be glad that Dolores was gone, but he wasn’t glad. Even now, as he drove back to the house, he was hoping that she would be there, waiting for him.

He entered the house, went upstairs and checked every room, looking for some clue to the whereabouts of Dolores. He picked up his dress uniform and decided to take it to the dry cleaner the next day. While he was at it, he looked for everything he would need to wear tomorrow. He laid them all on a chair in the bedroom.

Downstairs, he picked up the dirty dishes from the table, and put them in the sink. He was standing at the sink trying to figure out what he needed to do to wash the dirty dishes and the frying pan. The phone rang.

A female voice asked, “Is Mrs. Dolores O’Reilly there?”

“No, she isn’t. Who is this?  Do you know where she is?”

“Sergeant O’Reilly, this is Mildred Tolefree from the Union Savings Bank. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this – Your wife came into the bank this morning, carrying a suitcase. She withdrew all of the money from one of the savings accounts. Then she made the maximum loan on your credit card. Altogether, she received a little more than four thousand dollars.”

“What savings account are you talking about?”

“About five years ago she opened a savings account that she said was going to be for a Caribbean cruise on your twenty-fifth anniversary. When she withdrew all that money today I asked her if you two were going on your cruise. She said that you didn’t want to go on a cruise. I asked her if she was going on the cruise alone. She said, ‘I guess you could say that.’”

“Thank you. I appreciate you calling me, Miss Tolefree.”

He sat there stunned. He had to talk to someone. He hadn’t talked to his sister in over five years. Right now she seemed like the only one he knew that he could talk to about this. Dolores kept an address book. If he could find it, he was sure Beverly’s phone number and address would be in it. The address book was in a drawer of the desk in the spare room.

That room was supposed to be for a child. After Dolores had several miscarriages, the doctor recommended that they stop trying to have children. Dolores jumped right on that. That was the end of trying to have a baby. He thought they should have kept trying. Dolores said that to keep trying might endanger her life. He was endangering his own life every time that he went out on patrol. She didn’t tell him to stop endangering his life!  Then she suggested that they adopt a child. That was an easy way out for her – adopt somebody else’s child.

Downstairs he sank into his recliner and pulled the phone close to him. Reading from the address book, he punched in the numbers of his sister’s phone.

“Beverly, this is Willard.”

“Willard, I haven’t heard from you in at least five years, not even a Christmas card. Here you are calling me at ten o’clock at night.”

“I thought that it was just nine.”

“It is an hour later in Boston than it is in Arkansas. So why are you calling me at this hour?”

“Beverly, I needed to talk to someone. You are the only one that I can talk to about this. Dolores has left me.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. She wasn’t here when I got home. Later this evening a teller at the bank told me that Dolores came into the bank, carrying a suitcase and withdrew four thousand dollars. I found her engagement ring on the dresser in our bedroom.”

“What was the savings account for – home repairs, medical expenses?”

“I didn’t even know we had it. The teller said that she opened it five years ago to save for a Caribbean cruise for our twenty-fifth anniversary. When she mentioned a Caribbean cruise earlier this year, I told her it was a dumb idea. The teller asked her if she was withdrawing the money because we were going on the cruise. She told her that I didn’t want to go on a cruise. The teller asked if she was going alone. She said ‘Something like that.’”

“When was your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary”

“I think that it was yesterday. I’m not sure.”

“What did you do to celebrate your anniversary?”

“Nothing. I came home, ate my supper, read the newspaper, watched some television, and went on up to be“Nothing. Did I hear you say nothing?  No card, no candy, no flowers?”

“No.”

“Did you even say ‘Happy Anniversary’?”

“No.”

“Did she fix a special meal and put on her nicest clothes for that meal?”

“I guess so. I didn’t pay attention.”

“Then it is not surprising to me that she left you. What surprises me is that she hung around so long.”

“What gets me is how she could have saved almost three thousand dollars in five years. She must have been stealing it from me some way. She doesn’t have a job.”

“That would only be fifty dollars a month. How much allowance do you give her for personal expenses?”

“None. She uses my credit card at the grocery store, the beauty parlor, and if she buys shoes or clothes.”

“Does she have a car to use?”

“She uses mine on my days off if I am not going somewhere.”

“How often do you take her out for dinner, for a movie, or to socialize with other people?”

“Never. We aren’t teenagers you know.”

“When was the last time you told her that you love her?”

“For Pete sake. I’m nearly fifty years old and she is a fat, middle-aged sow.“

“Willard, you didn’t lose a wife, you lost an unpaid domestic servant. She didn’t steal money from you. She collected some unpaid wages.”

“I was hoping to get some helpful advice and sympathy from you. You are all the family that I have.”

“I’m the only family that you have?  Wonder why I haven’t heard from you in nearly five years. I’ll give you this advice. If you get a second chance with Dolores and don’t want to lose her again, learn to say, ‘I love you.’ and ‘Thank you.’ and ‘You certainly are pretty.’  Good night, Wiilard”

Willard sat there staring at the phone. He had never felt so alone. He had turned to Beverly and she had just ridiculed him. What she was saying was true. He realized that Dolores was far more important to him than an unpaid domestic servant. She was his closest and most loyal friend. She always knew how he was feeling. Like being passed over for promotion. She knew right away how he was feeling. He had talked mean to her for so long. How or why did it start?  Feeling alone now made him realize how much she had meant to him.

CHANGE OF LIFE, Chapter 1

CHANGE OF LIFE

Chapter 1

“Dolores, where are my socks and a white shirt for my uniform?”

“You haven’t been wearing your dress uniform to work.”

“Well, I am today. Get up here and find my shirt and tie and dress socks.”

“All right, Willard, but I’m fixing your breakfast. I’ll have to turn off the burner.”

“Get your sorry bag of blubber up here. I don’t want to be late.”

I hurried into the kitchen, turned off the burner, pulled the frying pan off the burner, and saw that the eggs were already crispy on the bottom. Willard would raise a fuss about that. I ran up the stairs and pulled his white shirt and black tie out of the closet. I waited for him to put on the shirt. He would need me to tie the tie.

“I know that he had to tie his own tie in the Army.”

After I tied his tie and listened to his grumbling and complaining, I ran downstairs to toast two slices of bread the way he likes them. One slice buttered and apple butter on the other slice– just the way he likes them. I had barely finished when down the stairs he came, making enough noise for ten men. I set his plate of food before him and brought a cup of coffee.

“What is happening today that you have to go in to the precinct in dress uniform, Willard?”

“They are promoting two sergeants to lieutenant today. Both of them have less experience than I do. Neither have enough brainpower to blow their noses.”

“You had been hoping that they would promote you to lieutenant this year. I’m sorry. I know you must be disappointed and bitter as well.”

“Look at these eggs! Both of them are crispy on the bottom. You know that I don’t like eggs crispy on the bottom. It looks like you could do some things right.”

“You called to me while I was frying them. They got crispy while I was answering you.”

“That’s right. Blame it on me. I go out and earn the money so that you can stay home. It looks to me like you would have plenty of time to be an excellent housekeeper and cook. Instead, what do you do? Lay around the house watching television and getting fat.”

His words stung and hurt. I do everything I can to have a clean and attractive home. I think that I am a very good cook. I never receive any compliments from him for anything I do. We never have company so that I could entertain and perhaps hear compliments from other people. When Willard needs company, he goes out with his buddies. He goes to ball games, is in a bowling league, and used to be on a softball team. He never took me with him.

I don’t have a car. Willard says that we can’t afford two cars and don’t need two cars. When I have shopping to do, or want to go to the beauty parlor, I have to go on one of his days off. If he decides to go some place or do something on his day off, I have to postpone the shopping trip or reschedule the hair appointment.

After we had been married twenty years, I began to dream and plan for us to go on a cruise for our twenty-fifth anniversary. Maybe if we were alone together on a ship, away from his buddies, away from his work, we could recapture the love of our younger years. I opened a special savings account just for that purpose. Every time I went to a store or to the beauty parlor, when I swiped the credit card and it asked if I wanted cash, I would always get at least ten dollars and sometimes twenty dollars. That cash went into the special savings account. As our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary approached, I presented my idea to Willard. It was after supper. I fixed his favorite foods – Polish sausage cooked in Bavarian sauerkraut and onions, baked beans, applesauce, and multigrain bread.

“Willard, in about five months we will celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I thought it would be nice if we would go on one of those cruise ships. We could plan our cruise so that we would be on board the ship on our anniversary night. On a leisurely cruise in the Caribbean we could talk and try to find the love we had when we were first married.”

“Caribbean cruise? What do you think we are – Mr. & Mrs. Gotrocks? I’m just a policeman, not a Wall Street banker.”

“Willard, I have looked up prices on the Internet. We could go on a five day cruise for about $500 each. That may sound like a lot of money, but you spent that much money on one gun last year. After all, it will be twenty-five years of marriage we will be celebrating!”

“Maybe you will be celebrating. Twenty-five years you have had me in a harness, supporting you so you wouldn’t have to work, so you could loll around the house and get fat. What do you think you would look like in a swimming suit lying on one of those lounge chairs on deck? You’d look like a beached whale, that’s what! Now shut your yap about this silly cruise idea. Let me read the paper and then I’m going to watch a game on television.”

There was only one television set. Willard said we didn’t need another one upstairs. I went to the spare room upstairs and sat in a chair. When we bought the house, this was supposed to be a child’s room. That dream was ended by three miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy. The doctor told us that it would not be wise to try any more to have children. Since that time Willard’s attitude toward me had become cold, abrasive, almost cruel. He rarely wanted sex. “What’s the sense in it?” He made it plain, without saying it, that I was the one to blame for our childless family. When I suggested adoption, he stomped out of the house.

From that day onward the cruise account at the bank was renamed (in my mind) The Freedom Account. My Social Security card still had my maiden name, Dolores Elaine Kosciuszko. I got a credit card in that name. I planned what I could take in a small suitcase. There was already more than $2500 in the bank account. I tried to build up more. Five months remained to work and plan.

The next day I found an exercise program on the television. Every day that Willard worked, I exercised. Every day after lunch I went walking. At first I couldn’t walk very far and my inner thighs chafed. I kept at it and every day I walked a little farther. I bought walking shoes and white socks. I was losing weight and looking better. Willard never noticed.

Yesterday was our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I fixed a special meal and dressed up nice for the evening meal. Willard never mentioned our anniversary. He didn’t bring me a card or flowers or candy. He didn’t say “Happy Anniversary.” He read his paper, watched a game on television, and went up to bed.

Willard went off to work in his dress uniform, still complaining about the eggs being crispy. As soon as he left, I went upstairs and packed the small suitcase. I didn’t want anything too heavy to carry. I kept my wedding ring, but took off my engagement ring and left it on the dresser. I put on the gold necklace with a porcelain pendant that had been my mother’s. I left the rest of my jewelry on the dresser. In my billfold I had the Social Security card with my maiden name, a credit card in my maiden name, and the credit card with my married name that I used all the time for shopping.

I walked to the bank carrying my suitcase. There I withdrew all the money in my Freedom Account. I got the maximum loan amount on the credit card with my married name. Willard would have to pay that loan back whether he thought it was right or not. Altogether I had almost four thousand dollars to start a new life as Dolores Kosciuszko.

From the bank I walked to the hospital. There was no inter-city bus service in our town. There was a shuttle that took the elderly to medical appointments in Pine Bluff. A regional hospital is in Pine Bluff. A number of specialists have offices in buildings near the hospital. I knew the shuttle was running today. I had called yesterday just to be sure. I walked up to the shuttle bus carrying the suitcase.

“I have to see Dr. Pepperdine today. He told me to come prepared to stay overnight.”

“Certainly Mrs. O’Reilly. Come on board. I guess your husband is too busy today to take you. The police are like the Fire Department. You never want to have to call them for yourself, but you sure are glad they are around and that you could call them if necessary.”

When the shuttle arrived in Pine Bluff, I got off near the hospital. I went inside, went to the cafeteria, and bought a coffee and a cinnamon roll. I had not eaten breakfast and I was very hungry. Outside the main entrance of the hospital a taxi was stopped while its two passengers disembarked. I asked the cabbie, “Do you have another fare?” He shook his head and I climbed into the back seat .

“Bus terminal, please.”

At the bus terminal I bought a ticket to Little Rock. When it arrived in Little Rock, I took a taxi to one of the stops for the free bus that takes people to a gambling casino in Tunica, Mississippi. When the bus came, there were already people on the bus. The driver looked quizzically at my suitcase, but said nothing. I walked halfway back in the bus, found an empty seat, put my suitcase in the overhead rack, and sat down.

At the casino, I went to the hotel run by the casino and got a room for the night. In the room I freshened up. Going down to the casino, I bought twenty dollars of tokens for the slot machines. Then I went to the buffet for my supper. After supper I played the slots until I ran out of tokens.

I went to my room. In the bathroom sink I washed the clothes I had been wearing and hung them around the room to dry.

The next day I had breakfast at the buffet, went back to my room and watched television until close to check out time. Then I packed my now dry clothes into the suitcase, checked out of the hotel and went to the area where the buses arrived and departed. I found a bus going to Memphis.

“Can you let me off someplace near the Amtrak station in Memphis?”

“I can let you off on Front Street several blocks from the station. Is that all right?”

“Thanks.”

When I got off the bus, I had several blocks to walk to the Amtrak station. I bought a ticket to Chicago for that night. I paid extra to get a roomette in a sleeper car. The train would leave a little after 10 PM and arrive in Chicago a little after 9AM. I put my suitcase in a locker and asked directions to the nearest library. There I spent the rest of the day on the computer learning as much as I could about Chicago. I wrote down the names of some extended stay motels with their addresses and phone numbers. I also copied the phone number of the Chicago transit system office that gave directions.

The library closed. I asked directions to the nearest restaurant, had a leisurely supper, and then walked back to the train station.

 

Back To My Roots

Not long ago, an old, large tree fell over in the wind. The owner of the property said that because of the drought the roots had withered. They were no longer able to withstand the wind and hold the tree upright. I’m not a botanist; I don’t know if the property owner was correct in his explanation for the cause of the tree falling down.

      I am going back to my roots for a short visit. I am going to visit the town where I was born, where both my parents were born, where my grandfather lived all his married life, and where my great-grandfather spent the last years of his life. They are all buried on the same cemetery lot in that town’s cemetery.
       I am leaving Mississippi Delta land to go up into the mountains. My car will climb the long ascent to the top of one mountain, then go downhill until it begins the climb up the elevation of the next mountain. As I am enfolded in the bosom of those towering forested land masses, I imagine that they are my grandmother saying, “Why, honey, I sure have missed you. Can you stay for a while? Come on in and sit down. I’ll fix you some coffee and ham and eggs.”
      I’ll be attending the convention of the historical society of a railroad that no longer exists. While it was in operation, my great-grandfather, my grandfather, two of his brothers, and two of his sons (one of them was my father) worked for that railroad. We will ride on an excursion train over rails that were originally laid by some of them.
      While I am there I will also attend worship in a church that was my second pastorate.
      I’ve been away for a year since my last visit, transplanted in the flatlands and sun-baked soil of the Mississippi Delta. I hope that my roots will be watered and nourished enough by this short visit to hold me upright against the winds of life for another year.

Create Then Market

When an author writes a book, he/she has three basic options to get it published. The first is the traditional way of submitting it to a publisher. Today this usually means finding an agent who will “shop” your book to various publishers and try to sell it to one of them. Not many authors are able to submit their book directly to a publisher. The publishers allow the agents to sift and filter through the books submitted to them. The agents only approach the publishers on behalf of the best books they have received and read. One of the factors in the publisher’s decision to buy a book is how large is the author’s “platform”. How many people know about the author and would want to buy a book she/he has written? When a publisher buys a book, the author receives an advance on expected royalties from the book’s sale. The agent usually gets at least 15% of the advance.

The second option for an author is a “vanity press”. This is a publisher who will print any book submitted to them, whether good or bad. The author pays the publisher several thousand dollars and the publisher prints several hundred copies of the book. The publisher may send all the copies of the book to the author who then tries to sell them. In that case the author has a chance of recouping the money paid to the publisher. Or the publisher may sell the books from their own website and warehouse. In that case the author receives a royalty of one or two dollars a book sold.

A modern variation on the “vanity press” is print-on-demand. The author still has to pay at least a thousand dollars for “set-up” and other fees. The author has to buy his/her own book at a discount price to resell. The print-on-demand publisher receives orders for the book. About once a month the publisher prints as many copies of the book as they have orders. The author gets about one dollar royalty.

The third option is the one I have chosen for LOST AND FOUND. It used to be called self-publishing, today it is called “indie” publishing. I set up my own publishing company, Mtnpride Books. The first book published by Mtnpride Books was TROY WYE PRITT IN HIS OWN WORDS. About 300 copies of that book were sold. I obtain a Library of Congress number for each title Mtnpride Books publishes. I have to buy an ISBN number and a bar code for each title. I had to obtain an EIN number from the IRS, a business license from the city and county, and a sales tax certificate from the state. At the present time I have an order with a printer for 225 copies of LOST AND FOUND. When I sell most of those, I will order more. I would rather be writing than marketing, but this is the option I chose.

THE HEALTH CARE LAW (OBAMACARE)

The new health care law, nicknamed Obamacare, has polarized the political opinions of Americans like no other issue since the Viet Nam War. A poll, conducted right after the Supreme Court decision that the law was Constitutional, showed that 46% of the respondents agreed with the decision and 46% disagreed with the decision. In the Presidential race Barack Obama is counting on the health care law to win reelection. Mitt Romney is promising that if he wins election he will repeal the health care law.

I would like to weigh in with my opinion on the subject. The health care law has many positive aspects. Millions of people who have no health insurance will now have health insurance. There are two extremes of this group. On one hand there are people who cannot buy health insurance because a member of the family has a chronic health condition – cancer, diabetes, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, etc. They could not buy health insurance until now. On the other extreme are healthy adults, many with comfortable income who are playing the odds. They are betting that the costs of what medical care they will need is less than the cost of health insurance.

In both cases the average American who has health care and who pays taxes is the loser. In the case of those who cannot buy health insurance, after the family finances are ravaged, the home is foreclosed, and the family is forced into poverty by burgeoning medical bills, the taxpayers begin picking up a portion of the bills and the hospital and doctors begin “eating” bills that cannot be paid. The healthy adults who play the odds are ahead until there is a car accident, a catastrophic illness, a criminal assault. Then the medical bills wipe out all their assets and they become a burden to taxpayers who bought health insurance.

    The health care law is a great positive in assuring millions of Americans who were without health insurance that now they will have it. The law also has a great negative for many Christians and Jews. The law requires all employers offering health insurance to include coverage for “preventive health services”. The Department of Health and Human Services defined this to include contraceptives and abortion-inducing drugs like the morning-after pill, and even sterilization. To call such services “preventive health” is to characterize pregnancy as a preventable disease!

    Cardinal Timothy Dolan said that government’s actions “struck at the heart of our fundamental right to religious liberty.” A Federal lawsuit has been filed by a number of religious employers including Geneva College. Their suit contends that the HHS mandate will “coerce thousands of religious institutions and individuals to engage in acts they consider sinful and immoral, in violation of their most deeply held religious beliefs.”

(Read “Following The Call of Conscience: The Health Care Controversy and Religious Liberty” by Alan Dowd in ByFaith, Q2.12 No.36)