CHANGE OF LIFE, Chapter 1

CHANGE OF LIFE

Chapter 1

“Dolores, where are my socks and a white shirt for my uniform?”

“You haven’t been wearing your dress uniform to work.”

“Well, I am today. Get up here and find my shirt and tie and dress socks.”

“All right, Willard, but I’m fixing your breakfast. I’ll have to turn off the burner.”

“Get your sorry bag of blubber up here. I don’t want to be late.”

I hurried into the kitchen, turned off the burner, pulled the frying pan off the burner, and saw that the eggs were already crispy on the bottom. Willard would raise a fuss about that. I ran up the stairs and pulled his white shirt and black tie out of the closet. I waited for him to put on the shirt. He would need me to tie the tie.

“I know that he had to tie his own tie in the Army.”

After I tied his tie and listened to his grumbling and complaining, I ran downstairs to toast two slices of bread the way he likes them. One slice buttered and apple butter on the other slice– just the way he likes them. I had barely finished when down the stairs he came, making enough noise for ten men. I set his plate of food before him and brought a cup of coffee.

“What is happening today that you have to go in to the precinct in dress uniform, Willard?”

“They are promoting two sergeants to lieutenant today. Both of them have less experience than I do. Neither have enough brainpower to blow their noses.”

“You had been hoping that they would promote you to lieutenant this year. I’m sorry. I know you must be disappointed and bitter as well.”

“Look at these eggs! Both of them are crispy on the bottom. You know that I don’t like eggs crispy on the bottom. It looks like you could do some things right.”

“You called to me while I was frying them. They got crispy while I was answering you.”

“That’s right. Blame it on me. I go out and earn the money so that you can stay home. It looks to me like you would have plenty of time to be an excellent housekeeper and cook. Instead, what do you do? Lay around the house watching television and getting fat.”

His words stung and hurt. I do everything I can to have a clean and attractive home. I think that I am a very good cook. I never receive any compliments from him for anything I do. We never have company so that I could entertain and perhaps hear compliments from other people. When Willard needs company, he goes out with his buddies. He goes to ball games, is in a bowling league, and used to be on a softball team. He never took me with him.

I don’t have a car. Willard says that we can’t afford two cars and don’t need two cars. When I have shopping to do, or want to go to the beauty parlor, I have to go on one of his days off. If he decides to go some place or do something on his day off, I have to postpone the shopping trip or reschedule the hair appointment.

After we had been married twenty years, I began to dream and plan for us to go on a cruise for our twenty-fifth anniversary. Maybe if we were alone together on a ship, away from his buddies, away from his work, we could recapture the love of our younger years. I opened a special savings account just for that purpose. Every time I went to a store or to the beauty parlor, when I swiped the credit card and it asked if I wanted cash, I would always get at least ten dollars and sometimes twenty dollars. That cash went into the special savings account. As our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary approached, I presented my idea to Willard. It was after supper. I fixed his favorite foods – Polish sausage cooked in Bavarian sauerkraut and onions, baked beans, applesauce, and multigrain bread.

“Willard, in about five months we will celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I thought it would be nice if we would go on one of those cruise ships. We could plan our cruise so that we would be on board the ship on our anniversary night. On a leisurely cruise in the Caribbean we could talk and try to find the love we had when we were first married.”

“Caribbean cruise? What do you think we are – Mr. & Mrs. Gotrocks? I’m just a policeman, not a Wall Street banker.”

“Willard, I have looked up prices on the Internet. We could go on a five day cruise for about $500 each. That may sound like a lot of money, but you spent that much money on one gun last year. After all, it will be twenty-five years of marriage we will be celebrating!”

“Maybe you will be celebrating. Twenty-five years you have had me in a harness, supporting you so you wouldn’t have to work, so you could loll around the house and get fat. What do you think you would look like in a swimming suit lying on one of those lounge chairs on deck? You’d look like a beached whale, that’s what! Now shut your yap about this silly cruise idea. Let me read the paper and then I’m going to watch a game on television.”

There was only one television set. Willard said we didn’t need another one upstairs. I went to the spare room upstairs and sat in a chair. When we bought the house, this was supposed to be a child’s room. That dream was ended by three miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy. The doctor told us that it would not be wise to try any more to have children. Since that time Willard’s attitude toward me had become cold, abrasive, almost cruel. He rarely wanted sex. “What’s the sense in it?” He made it plain, without saying it, that I was the one to blame for our childless family. When I suggested adoption, he stomped out of the house.

From that day onward the cruise account at the bank was renamed (in my mind) The Freedom Account. My Social Security card still had my maiden name, Dolores Elaine Kosciuszko. I got a credit card in that name. I planned what I could take in a small suitcase. There was already more than $2500 in the bank account. I tried to build up more. Five months remained to work and plan.

The next day I found an exercise program on the television. Every day that Willard worked, I exercised. Every day after lunch I went walking. At first I couldn’t walk very far and my inner thighs chafed. I kept at it and every day I walked a little farther. I bought walking shoes and white socks. I was losing weight and looking better. Willard never noticed.

Yesterday was our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I fixed a special meal and dressed up nice for the evening meal. Willard never mentioned our anniversary. He didn’t bring me a card or flowers or candy. He didn’t say “Happy Anniversary.” He read his paper, watched a game on television, and went up to bed.

Willard went off to work in his dress uniform, still complaining about the eggs being crispy. As soon as he left, I went upstairs and packed the small suitcase. I didn’t want anything too heavy to carry. I kept my wedding ring, but took off my engagement ring and left it on the dresser. I put on the gold necklace with a porcelain pendant that had been my mother’s. I left the rest of my jewelry on the dresser. In my billfold I had the Social Security card with my maiden name, a credit card in my maiden name, and the credit card with my married name that I used all the time for shopping.

I walked to the bank carrying my suitcase. There I withdrew all the money in my Freedom Account. I got the maximum loan amount on the credit card with my married name. Willard would have to pay that loan back whether he thought it was right or not. Altogether I had almost four thousand dollars to start a new life as Dolores Kosciuszko.

From the bank I walked to the hospital. There was no inter-city bus service in our town. There was a shuttle that took the elderly to medical appointments in Pine Bluff. A regional hospital is in Pine Bluff. A number of specialists have offices in buildings near the hospital. I knew the shuttle was running today. I had called yesterday just to be sure. I walked up to the shuttle bus carrying the suitcase.

“I have to see Dr. Pepperdine today. He told me to come prepared to stay overnight.”

“Certainly Mrs. O’Reilly. Come on board. I guess your husband is too busy today to take you. The police are like the Fire Department. You never want to have to call them for yourself, but you sure are glad they are around and that you could call them if necessary.”

When the shuttle arrived in Pine Bluff, I got off near the hospital. I went inside, went to the cafeteria, and bought a coffee and a cinnamon roll. I had not eaten breakfast and I was very hungry. Outside the main entrance of the hospital a taxi was stopped while its two passengers disembarked. I asked the cabbie, “Do you have another fare?” He shook his head and I climbed into the back seat .

“Bus terminal, please.”

At the bus terminal I bought a ticket to Little Rock. When it arrived in Little Rock, I took a taxi to one of the stops for the free bus that takes people to a gambling casino in Tunica, Mississippi. When the bus came, there were already people on the bus. The driver looked quizzically at my suitcase, but said nothing. I walked halfway back in the bus, found an empty seat, put my suitcase in the overhead rack, and sat down.

At the casino, I went to the hotel run by the casino and got a room for the night. In the room I freshened up. Going down to the casino, I bought twenty dollars of tokens for the slot machines. Then I went to the buffet for my supper. After supper I played the slots until I ran out of tokens.

I went to my room. In the bathroom sink I washed the clothes I had been wearing and hung them around the room to dry.

The next day I had breakfast at the buffet, went back to my room and watched television until close to check out time. Then I packed my now dry clothes into the suitcase, checked out of the hotel and went to the area where the buses arrived and departed. I found a bus going to Memphis.

“Can you let me off someplace near the Amtrak station in Memphis?”

“I can let you off on Front Street several blocks from the station. Is that all right?”

“Thanks.”

When I got off the bus, I had several blocks to walk to the Amtrak station. I bought a ticket to Chicago for that night. I paid extra to get a roomette in a sleeper car. The train would leave a little after 10 PM and arrive in Chicago a little after 9AM. I put my suitcase in a locker and asked directions to the nearest library. There I spent the rest of the day on the computer learning as much as I could about Chicago. I wrote down the names of some extended stay motels with their addresses and phone numbers. I also copied the phone number of the Chicago transit system office that gave directions.

The library closed. I asked directions to the nearest restaurant, had a leisurely supper, and then walked back to the train station.